I have been thinking about where I have my priorities. What is my driving force in doing what I do. What is most important to me. Now this can be an uncomfortable subject. Often because we might find an answer that we don’t want to find.
The first thing that really made me question my priorities was realizing how I sometimes envy other people. The time I most often found myself in envy of others was looking at fashionistas, models and all the beautiful people I know. Seeing them I started to feel inferior. I began to compare myself to the people I saw and stupid enough, even though I know they are edited in a computer, I felt like I could not live up to the “standard”. A messed up image of how my life would have been better if I looked more like them appeared in my head , this even though I clearly could not say how things would change.
What bothered me with this whole scenario was rather to see how much these things could affect me. It made me question what my priorities are. Why do I want to be fashionable and beautiful, and why is it that I feel a need to look like those people? What would the consequences that I have imagined be, making me desire this. I realized that I easily let looks, clothes and status take too much place in my life – and for what good? These things do not build me up nor help others. Instead they add to a glorification of myself, trying to prove myself. This was the key factor – through my looks I was trying to glorify myself.
As I have already written about in “the value of a human”, the quest to prove ourselves to create value is totally meaningless as we already have a value as humans – a constant that can not be changed by our actions or looks. Instead I let myself loose focus of the important things around me, while trying to prove myself. What happens is that I feel down when I do not reach the standard I set up for myself. When I am not reaching the goals I am prioritizing I feel like a failure. But as soon as I try to prove myself and to create my value, I am off track.
Don’t think that I do not allow myself or others to care about looks. This can be very important at times and is also a way of communicating. But I had to ask myself what it is that I want to communicate and why. Am I after creating an image of myself as superior to others? Do I let my heart run with greed, enhancing my ego by being beautiful?Am I after attention? And do I let these things take over and rule, enslaving myself by vanity?
This does not only apply to clothes of course (that in this case only is an example) but to all things in life. Many things can take over our life – becoming the center – job, friends, training/working out, blogging or money just to mention a few. When we have our priorities in such things we will feel bad when we do not fulfill the goal set up for ourself – Goals that can be more or less impossible, not the least in the fashion industry.
This post is not to take a fight against fashion nor the fashion industry. It is neither to say that we no longer should care about our looks. This is simply a reminder to ask myself what things I allow to control my life followed by the question – are these things really the ones I want to be controlled by?
As for me, I believe that to be able to grow in love and peace I have to putt my priorities right. As long as my motif is to enhance myself, I have missed the goal.